Friday, June 12, 2009

Beanpie - Volume 9 Episode 2: Black Raven

Beanpie - Volume 9 Episode 2: Black Raven

Scene 4: Shaun sneaks up on the guy guarding the door and hits him with the two by four, and then he sneaks inside. He looks around, and is then grabbed from behind by Gary.

Gary: Hey Unc, look what we have here, the dark knight in shining armor. And it looks like he knocked Mikey out at the door.
Fat Man: Hey George, go drag Mikey in here and guard the door. (turns to Beanpie) It looks like you even came with a few friends. Hahahahaha, this is so cute, but nothing is going to work.
Beanpie: Don’t worry mate, there are a lot more men out there waiting to storm this place.
Fat Man: Didn’t I tell you about the cameras, we saw when you came and who you came with. I am not worried about your little posse crashing this party.
: Then you should know that they will be calling the police, and all of my stuff will be returned to me.
Fat Man: Looks to me like you were caught breaking into my warehouse. Who are the cops going to side with here?
: Why exactly did you take my stuff to begin with?
Fat Man: A smart business move, you see you were running your mouth to my niece about the things you were inventing.
: You mean Charlene?
Fat Man: Ding, ding, ding, and tell the man what he’s won.
Beanpie: I can’t believe she was in on this.
Fat Man: Well son, there are many things you are not aware of, and one of them is how much money I will be getting because of these items.
Shaun: I can’t believe someone would go through all of this trouble for these bootleg ideas.
Fat Man: In these times we need to cut costs where ever we can, I have found a way to cut all costs. Now it is time to say goodbye.

*Just then George who was guarding the door crashes through the window.

Scene 5: Lisa jumps through the window behind the guard and stands facing the Fat Man and Gary.

Lisa: Why am I not surprised to see you here?
Fat Man: And what have we done to be given the honor of being graced by the presence of the Black Raven?
Gary: I always thought the Black Raven was a man
Fat Man: She’s close enough.
Lisa: Thank you for such kind words. Who do we have here? The Flying Cricket (Gary), and you, the Iron Belly (Fat Man).
Fat Man: Such names are rarely used these days, but yes it is who you have said. Though your name is well known in the underground, I do not think you can even take the Flying Cricket, Get her.

---This is where you want to get your popcorn folks.---

*Gary jumps into the air with a flying back kick.

Lisa: Trim the hedges

*Lisa repels his attack with a swift roundhouse kick.

Lisa: Please, my Green Thumb style is too much for you or any of your cronies.
Fat Man: Well then, let us find out which is better, your Green Thumb style, or my Concrete Fist style.
Lisa: Let’s go.

*Fat Man throws a punch at Lisa.

Lisa: Prune the roses

*Lisa blocks the initial punch, but does not see his second punch. It connects and sends Lisa sailing across the room.

Fat Man: The Green Thumb style is very outdated, and in need of some new moves. I would be honored to teach you, here’s lesson one!

*Meanwhile Shaun manages to untie Beanpie and they quickly move out of the way.
Shaun: Are you alright man?
Beanpie: Yeah, I’m fine.
Shaun: Good because I am a little lost. When exactly did Lisa learn karate? Beanpie: Your guess is as good as mine mate, one thing I do know. We should move out of the way before we get done over by the Black Raven.

*Shaun sees Gary lying on the floor and notices that he is coming to. He picks up the two by four and hits him on the head.

Shaun: By the way, my name is Shaun.

*Lisa stands back up and draws a line on the ground with her left foot.

Lisa: Not bad old man, now are you ready for more?
Fat Man: Lesson two, how to respect those better than you!!!

*Fat Man throws a barrage of punches only to have them all blocked by Lisa’s left foot.

Lisa: I call that one, mowing the lawn. Now this is what will happen next, I am going to till the soil, plant the seeds, water the plants, and finally remove the weeds. Fat Man: Wha….

*Lisa jumps into the air and chops Fat Man in the neck with both hands, the pokes him in the eyes, she follows that up with up with a quick sweep, and finishes it up with a mid air low blow. She stands over him and looks him in the eyes

Lisa: Now say it.
Fat Man: Never

*Lisa puts her foot on his throat

Lisa: Say it, or I will show you how I squash the ant.
Fat Man: Okay, your Kung-Fu is the best
Scene 6: Beanpie, Shaun, and Lisa tie Fat Man and company up, go back to the truck and get Tailgate and Jamie and begin to load up Beanpie’s things.

Tailgate: So, what happened in here?
: Too much to talk about now.
: How did they know we were coming?
Shaun: They had cameras, and saw Beanpie and Tailgate sneaking in last night. Tailgate (to Beanpie): I told you to wear a mask.
Beanpie: A bit late for that now don’t you think?

*As they finish putting the things in the truck, Beanpie notices a push cart in the corner.

Beanpie: Hey Ice Juicy, could you help me put this into the truck?
Shaun: Hey Randolph, my name is Shaun, and why do you want that old cart?
: This is the cart they stole from me in the first place. I can spruce it up and put it to good use.
Shaun: If you say so.

*They load everything up into the truck, and head back to Beanpie’s house.

Beanpie - Volume 9 Episode 1: Black Raven

Beanpie - Volume 9 Episode 1: Black Raven

Opening Scene: Beanpie is in his living room with Jamie and Tailgate as they wait for Lisa and Shaun.

: This is it mates, tonight we will get my stuff back.
Tailgate: I hope so, and I want to see who is taking your stuff. I really can’t believe someone went through all of this just to take your stuff.
Beanpie: Whatever the reason brov, I honestly don’t care. I just want all of my stuff back.
Jamie: Shaun’s here

*Shaun comes into the living room with everyone else.

: Hey man, are we ready to go?
Beanpie: Not yet, we’re waiting on Lisa, she had to get the truck.
Shaun: Why didn’t you go with her?
Beanpie: Because I wanted to make sure everything was going according to plan.
Shaun: The only thing we’re doing is waiting. What kind of man are you?
Beanpie: Look I don’t need the “Be a better man” speech right now I have to get focused.
Tailgate: Yeah all two of his brain cells have to be aligned.
Beanpie: Shutup trout mouth.
Jamie: Here comes Lisa
Beanpie: Alright mates let’s get to it.

*They all hop into the truck and head over to the warehouse.

Scene 2: They arrive outside of the warehouse. Once they park Beanpie reveals his master plan.

: I am about to reveal my master plan.
Lisa: I must hear this one.
Beanpie: Alright me, Tailgate and Jamie are going to head inside and get the stuff ready, Shaun and Lisa will stay here and wait for my signal. Once you get the signal, pull the truck up to the warehouse and we’ll load up.
Tailgate: That’s it?
Beanpie: Yes
Tailgate: That sounds like something a guy with no life would write in a story.
Beanpie: Whatever govy, this will work. Jamie Tailgate, let’s go.
Shaun: Wait, what’s the signal?
Beanpie: Well, I haven’t thought of that, but you’ll know it when you see it.
Shaun: Man, if you say so.

*Beanpie, Tailgate, and Jamie all head towards the warehouse.

: It looks like no one is there, good this should be easy.
Tailgate: Make sure you check inside and see.

*Beanpie flashes his light through the window.

: Nope, nobody is in there, let’s go get the key.

*Tailgate looks in the box, but the key is gone.
Tailgate: Uh……Beanpie, we have a bit of a problem.
Beanpie: What’s that mate?
Tailgate: The key is gone!!!
Jamie: Hey, the lights just turned on inside.

*The door opens, and there is a short fat man at the door with a cigar in his mouth.

Fat Man
: Well, well, well, look what we have here. A few thieves in the night. Get em boys.

*His men grab Beanpie, while Tailgate and Jamie run away.

: Hey Lisa, I’m not sure if this is the signal, but Tailgate and Jamie are running away.
Lisa: I see them.
Shaun: You wait here while I go check it out.

*Shaun leaves Lisa in the truck and goes to find out what happened.

Scene 3: Beanpie is tied up in the middle of the warehouse and sees all of his stuff ready to be shipped away. Meanwhile, the Fat Man along with Gary and two others surround him.

Fat Man
: Ah, we have the Lone Ranger. And your Indian friends from the Runs-Like-Bitches tribe have left you here all alone. Why may I ask are you here?
Beanpie: I am here to take my stuff back.
Fat Man: Your stuff you say? Where exactly is “Your Stuff”?
Beanpie: You know where it is you dodgy geezer, right over there.
Fat Man: Hahaha, well this is my warehouse, and everything inside of my warehouse belongs to me. You are sorely mistaken. The next time you sneak onto someone’s property, you really should be wary of surveillance.

*Beanpie flashes back to the conversation he and Tailgate had the night before.

: What do you need that for?
Tailgate: They might have cameras there.
Beanpie: Man, are you serious? Didn’t you say it was an old rundown warehouse?
Tailgate: And?
Beanpie: And there will NOT be any cameras there.
Tailgate: Whatever, I’d rather be safe than sorry.
Beanpie(to self): You have got to be taking the piss, the little wanker was right after all.

*Shaun looks into the window and sees Beanpie tied up and surrounded by these men.

(to self): I can’t believe I am in the middle of this nonsense. Now I have to rescue this idiot in distress. The things I do, sometimes they even leave me baffled. I need something big.

*Shaun looks around and finds a two by four.

(to self): Well, here goes nothing.

*Now Tailgate and Jamie make their way back to the truck.

: Hey Lisa, they were waiting for us when we got there, now they have Beanpie.
Lisa: Who was in there?
Jamie: Some old fat guy.
Tailgate: And that tall dude, Gary was with him.
Jamie: And I saw two other guys with them too.
Lisa: We have to do something, and quickly.

*Just then Lisa’s phone rings, and she gets some interesting information.

Friday, May 29, 2009

Beanpie - Volume 8 Episode 2: The Warehouse

Scene 4: It is later that evening and Beanpie and Tailgate are getting ready to go to the warehouse. Beanpie walks into Tailgate’s room to see if he is ready.

Beanpie: Are you ready to go yet?
Tailgate: Hold on, I need to put one more thing on.

*Tailgate puts on a ski mask

Beanpie: What do you need that for?
Tailgate: They might have cameras there.
Beanpie: Man, are you serious? Didn’t you say it was an old rundown warehouse?
Tailgate: And?
Beanpie: And there will NOT be any cameras there.
Tailgate: Whatever, I’d rather be safe than sorry.
Beanpie: Man you watch too many movies.
Tailgate: And you come up with too many stupid ideas.
Beanpie: Are we gonna sit here and argue all night or are we going to head to the warehouse?
Tailgate: I’m ready, let’s take your car…..oh yeah I forgot you’re on foot patrol. Let’s go.

Scene 5: Tailgate and Beanpie are outside of the warehouse looking around.

Tailgate: Do you see anything?
Beanpie: Nope, the coast is clear.
Tailgate: Let’s get closer.

*Beanpie and Tailgate are looking through the windows to see if anyone is inside.

Tailgate: I don’t see anyone in there, how about you?
Beanpie: No brov, nobody is in there. Let’s go in.

*Beanpie crawls through an open window, only to fall on the floor.

Beanpie: Tailgate, where are you?

*Beanpie hears the door open and watches someone walk in, and in a panic he throws his shoe at him.

Tailgate: OUCH! Man, are you crazy?
Beanpie: Sorry, I thought you were someone else. How did you get in through the door? It was locked I checked.
Tailgate: Didn’t I tell you I saw Darius go inside the box and get the key?
Beanpie: Oh yeah, I guess it slipped my mind.
Tailgate: Whatever, put your flat back on and let’s look around.

*As they look around Beanpie notices all of his stuff boxed and stacked in a corner.

Beanpie: Tailgate, get over here and check this out.
Tailgate: That’s all of your stuff. Who the hell wants that?
Beanpie: We have to find a way to get this out of here before they try to sell my stuff.
Tailgate: When did they say they were going to sell it?
Beanpie: Thursday, so we will have to come back tomorrow and take it.
Tailgate: Yea we need a truck and a few more people too.
Beanpie: Let’s get out of here before someone comes.

Scene 6: Beanpie and Tailgate are back at home in Beanpie’s room

Tailgate: So how are you going to get the stuff back before Thursday?
Beanpie: I am going to call Ice Juicy, and see if he’ll help me.
Tailgate: But you’re gonna need a truck.
Beanpie: You’re right, I’ll have Lisa rent one for me.
Tailgate: Do you think she’ll do it?
Beanpie: I hope so. Do you think Jamie will come out there with us? The more hands the faster we can get in and out of there.
Tailgate: He should be able to do it.
Beanpie: Alright, so that’s what we’ll do.

*Beanpie calls Shaun, and Lisa and explains everything. Shaun agrees to come with him, and Lisa agrees to rent the truck.

Beanpie (to self): I can’t believe it. I found my stuff, and now I am gonna get it all back. Beanpie, you are back in business.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Beanpie - Volume 8 Episode 1: The Warehouse

Beanpie - Volume 8 Episode 1: The Warehouse

Opening Scene: Beanpie is having breakfast and getting prepared to investigate the warehouse in order to stop his products from being used by others when Tailgate comes into the kitchen.

Tailgate: Hey, so what are you planning to do about your stuff being stolen?
Beanpie: Well first off brov, I need to check the warehouse. I am pretty sure that the stuff that they nicked from me is in there. I am gonna go tonight.
Tailgate: Good luck with that one.
Beanpie: Will you come and check it out with me?
Tailgate: No, I am not going to some dark warehouse in the middle of the night to check on some stolen goods. I already did one super spy job for you. I have more important things to do, like nothing.
Beanpie: C’mon brov, I know you want to know who stole this stuff from me, and I also know that you can’t stand that fruitbat Darius either. Just come with me tonight and check it out.
Tailgate: I swear, you are lucky I’m your brother, or else I wouldn’t even think about doing something this retarded. What time are you going?
Beanpie: I will be heading out there at about 9 tonight.
Tailgate: Alright, I’ll go.

Scene 2: Beanpie goes to have lunch with Lisa at a restaurant close to her job.

Lisa: Hey Randolph, why do you look so serious today?
Beanpie: Lis, I am gonna head to that warehouse tonight.
Lisa: What?!
Beanpie: Yeah, me and Tailgate are going to check things out. I have to find out if my stuff is there.
Lisa: Okay it was one thing to find out what was going on, but now you’re going to go there, with your little brother nonetheless, just to see if your stuff is there?
Beanpie: Yes love, I have to find out what is in that warehouse. You heard what Tailgate said, the same guy that went there was taking pictures of the basement.
Lisa: You don’t even know who is behind all of this, and if you happen to find your stuff there, what are you going to do about it?
Beanpie: I’ll figure that part out once I see what is inside of the warehouse.
Lisa: I am strongly urging you not to go there. Just quit this hustle business and get a normal job.
Beanpie: I work for myself. No man has me on their books.
Lisa: Books? You want to talk about books? When was the last time you checked your books?
Beanpie: Love I know where you’re going, but my books will take care of themselves once I blow up.
Lisa: Man, you are so far in the red tat the economy feels sorry for you.
Beanpie: Now don’t say that.
Lisa: It has to be said, I mean seriously you have some climbing to do to reach rock bottom.
Beanpie: I know love, but trust me. Have faith in your man.
Lisa: I have faith in him, just not his ideas.
Beanpie: Just watch what happens once I find out who did this to me. So, can I still get that $20 from you?
Lisa: See what I mean. Here, and will you at least consider getting a real job?
Beanpie: Thanks Lis, and you know I love you babe.

*Beanpie takes the money and begins to walk home.

Scene 3: Beanpie is walking home, and runs into Shaun who is on his lunch break.

Beanpie: Hey Ice Juicy, what’s up man? You’re looking a little down today.
Shaun: It’s nothing
Beanpie: C’mon mate, use that toilet paper t-shirt and get the crap off of your chest.
Shaun: Well, you know when you had me go to the store and talk to my friend?
Beanpie: Yeah
Shaun: Well, I called her and we talked for a while. I found out because of what she said, she lost her job.
Beanpie: Really?
Shaun: Not only that, but she will lose her apartment also and she has to find another one.
Beanpie: Sorry to hear that mate.
Shaun: Well I want to ask her to stay with me for a while. I feel responsible for that.
Beanpie: Well good on ya mate. Go for it, I’m sure she’ll be happy.
Shaun: Thanks man.
Beanpie: No problem.
Shaun: Wait, did you say, “use that toilet paper t-shirt and get the crap off of your chest”?
Beanpie: Sure did, made it up here on the spot.
Shaun: That has to be the corniest line I ever heard. I suggest you keep that to yourself.
Beanpie: C’mon govy, I know you like that one. And you know what? You can use it whenever you like.
Shaun: Whatever man. Take it easy.
Beanpie: You too.
Shaun: Oh and Beanpie, my name is Shaun.

*Shaun goes back to work, and Beanpie heads home.

Beanpie - Volume 7 Episode 2: Operation: Beanpie

Beanpie - Volume 7 Episode 2: Operation: Beanpie

Lisa (to self): I don’t know why I even agreed to this nonsense, and now I have to figure out a way to talk to some clerk named Charlene about some stolen bootlegged inventions. I should have stayed in bed today. I need a smoke.

*Lisa stands outside of the store. She gets a cigarette and now she can’t seem to find her lighter.

Lisa: Excuse me do you have a light?
Woman: Yeah, here you go. You looked stressed, are you alright?
Lisa: I can’t believe this nonsense. My boyfriend has me out here to spy on some clerk named Charlene. I am supposed to find out if she knows anything about his ideas that have been stolen from him.
Woman: Well, I heard the owner of this place is shady, and just got a new line of items coming in.
Lisa: Oh yeah? Like what?
Woman: Well, I think there is dog food, dish detergent, car wax, and tea.
Lisa: Are you serious? Where did you get this info?
Woman: I know a few people in here and they can’t keep their mouths closed.
Lisa: Thanks you just saved me a trip inside. Here’s your lighter back.
Woman: Have a good one.

*Lisa gets back into her car and heads back home.

Scene 4: It’s Monday and Shaun is out and about delivering mail. He gets to the store and goes up to see his friend.

Shaun: Hey Iris, how are things?
Iris: Hey papi, how are you today?
Shaun: I’m cool, another day another dollar. You know how it is.
Iris: Aye, except you get to be outside where it’s nice, and I’m stuck in here wit Senor Stupido y amigos. What do you have for me today?
Shaun: The usual, bills, bills, and someone trying to sell you stuff.
Iris: Things never change I tell you. I wish I could get out of here papi, I hate this job.
Shaun: I know, can I ask you something?
Iris: Si papi, what is it?
Shaun: Well have you noticed anything dirty happening here?
Iris: Ha, everything about this store is dirty. The owner doesn’t know any other way. He stole this new line of products he is having shipped here on Thursday.
Shaun: Do you know where he got this new line of products from?
Iris: Papi, lemme tell you something. I never stick my nose where it don’t belong. I just answer the phones and handle the books.
Shaun: That’s cool. Good look Iris. See you tomorrow.
Iris: You could see me tonight if you called.

Scene 5: It’s Monday night, and Beanpie is in his room dealing with all of the information he has.

Beanpie (to self): Okay what do I have to work with? First off some pisser has been taking pictures of me, which means someone has been spying on me. Not only that, but the guy that robbed me is paying the bloke off. Secondly, they have a bloody new line of products coming in that just so happen to contain every single thing that I’ve made. And I guess on Thursday this new line is supposed to hit the store. I need to find a way to stop it from getting there. What to do, what to do? Oh yeah, Tailgate did say something about an old store house. Maybe I should go check it out.

Beanpie: Volume 7 Episode 1 - Operation: Beanpie

Beanpie: Volume 7 Episode 1 - Operation: Beanpie

*It is Friday night, and Beanpie is in his kitchen with Lisa, Shaun, Tailgate, and Jamie. They are all sitting around waiting for the details of his plan.

Beanpie: Okay, once again mates I thank you for coming here. I know you know why we’re here and now I’ll tell you the plan. First, Ice Juicy you deliver to the store right?
Shaun: Man, my name is Shaun. Yes I deliver there, what do you need me to do?
Beanpie: Do you know anyone there?
Shaun: Yeah, I went to school with the assistant manager. I talk to her whenever I go there.
Beanpie: Ask her if she knows about any new products they’ve been getting in. Also ask if she knows about the new guy there.
Shaun: She should be willing to talk, she hates it there anyway. I should be able to talk with her on Monday. Is that all you need me to do?
Beanpie: Yeah that should be good for now. Now on to you Tailgate. Can you and Jamie keep an eye on that guy Gary? See where he lives and that good stuff.
Tailgate: You want us to follow a grown man around like super spies?
Jamie: Man that sounds like a kind of stalking I want no part of.
Tailgate: Are you serious? This has to be the most retarded thing I’ve heard of.
Beanpie: You must not have heard of your birth. You were two genes short of being diagnosed with down syndrome.
Tailgate: See this is why I didn’t want to work with you. You make the corniest jokes up and I don’t even know if they make sense, call yourself embarrassing me, and then want me to help you.
Jamie: Yeah man, you can come up with some good ideas, but when it comes to hurting someone’s feelings, you are pathetic.
Beanpie: Is that right? Do I smell a challenge?
Tailgate: That would be an unfair challenge, but since you’re willing to get embarrassed for this I guess we’ll watch him for a bit.
Beanpie: Alright then. Now Lisa, what I need you to do is get some info on a girl that works down at the store. Her name is Charlene.
Lisa: You want me to investigate some chick at the store?
Beanpie: She knew about my ideas too, and she works there at the store. Everyone in there is a suspect.
Lisa: Alright, but if she has any issues, there will be an ugly scene inside of the store.
Shaun: Wait, we all have our parts in this, but where are you?
Beanpie: I have to proceed as normal. I have an idea for a new sham govy.
Tailgate: Oh boy, what is it now?
Beanpie: Well you know how I had that fake gardening product right?
Tailgate: It wasn’t fake they got away with more of his stuff.
Beanpie: Whatever. Well, I did some research and I found a way to make some organic fertilizer.
Tailgate: Yeah, take a dump in someone’s lawn!!!
Beanpie: Shut up piglet, this is how we’ll proceed for the time being.

Scene 2: It’s Saturday Tailgate and Jamie are hanging around the basketball court looking for Gary.

Tailgate: You sure you know what this guy looks like?
Jamie: Yeah my brother pointed him out to me this morning. He’ll be hard to miss because he’s a big Lurch lookin dude with a HUGE head.
Tailgate: Aw man, here we go look who’s headed this way. The Swagtastic Darius and his No Homo Boys.
Jamie: This is not what we need right now. Wait a minute, he’s headed to the store.
Tailgate: Yeah now he’s just sitting in front of it. Is this his new spot?
Jamie: Yeah earning extra cash by carrying bags. Hey, there’s Lurch.
Tailgate: He’s walking up to Darius, and giving him money. What is going on?
Jamie: Wait, he’s going somewhere, let’s follow him.

*Jamie and Tailgate follow Darius and are led to an out of the way store house not too far from the store.

Jamie: What do you think he’s doing here? I’m not sure, but it looks like he’s getting a key from that rusty box near the entrance. Let’s go in.
Tailgate: Wait, I think we should see if they come out with anything first.

*A few minutes pass, and Darius comes back out.

Tailgate: Man, he doesn’t have anything.
Jamie: He’s headed somewhere else. Let’s see where goes.

*They now follow Darius to a surprising location.

Tailgate: This is my house!!!
Jamie: Wait, let’s see what he does

*They watch as Darius looks into the basement window, and takes a few pictures, then leaves.

Tailgate: I can’t believe this dirty gorilla is watching my brother. I am going to settle this right now!!
Jamie: Let’s go talk to your brother first, and see if he comes up with anything. It’s not like Darius is going anywhere, we know where he lives.
Tailgate: Alright, but if he doesn’t deal with him, I definitely will.

Beanpie - Volume 6 Episode 2: Putting it all together

Beanpie - Volume 6 Episode 2: Putting it all together

*Scene 4: Beanpie is back in his kitchen holding the piece of cloth when Tailgate and Jamie come back home.

Beanpie: Hey Jamie, how did you know this came from an apron from the store?
Jamie: My big brother works there, I have seen that thing for years.
Beanpie: Hey Jamie, is your brother at work now?
Jamie: No, he’s off today
Beanpie: Do you have his number? I want to ask him a few things
Jamie: Sure it’s 555-7282. His name is Tony.
Tailgate: Why don’t you hit on a guy your age and leave my friends alone?
Beanpie: Shutup you undersized gorilla, can’t you see I’m conducting an investigation?
Tailgate: Looks to me like you’re trying to come out of the closet. C’mon Jamie, let’s go play that new Call of Duty

*Tailgate and Jamie leave and Beanpie calls Tony

Tony: Hello
Beanpie: Hey, is this Tony?
Tony: Who’s this?
Beanpie: This is Beanpie, Tailgate’s brother
Tony: Oh, you mean that smart ass that comes over here.
Beanpie: Yup, that’s him mate
Tony: What’s up with that accent? It sounds fake to me
Beanpie: That’s my natural accent govy. Do you work at the corner market?
Tony: Yeah, why?
Beanpie: I want to know if you can do me a favor.
Tony: What do you need?
Beanpie: I need a name. There is a guy there with a ripped vest, can you get me his name?
Tony: Will you promise to stop calling me?
Beanpie: Sure.
Tony: Okay, I go in tomorrow, so I should be able to tell you who it is.
Beanpie: Thanks mate.

Scene 5: Beanpie is in his room with the cloth in his hand waiting, and his phone rings

Tony: Is this Beanpie?
Beanpie: Hey Tony, what’s the outcome?
Tony: It is a new guy here, his name is Gary. He’s only been here for a few weeks. I think he’s the owner’s nephew.
Beanpie: Thanks mate
Tony: Now don’t call me anymore
Beanpie: You won’t hear from me again.
Beanpie(to self): Now I need to find out who this bloke is and why he came to rob me. First I need a plan, and an able crew to help me solve the mystery.

Scene 6: Beanpie is in his kitchen sitting at the table with Tailgate, Lisa, Shaun, and Jamie.

Tailgate: Why did you call us here and what are you smoking that stupid pipe? Beanpie; The reason I called you here, let’s see….I wanted to ask you all to help me find out who keeps stealing my ideas and why they’re doing it.
Shaun: Whoa…..what makes you think we’ll help you?
Beanpie: Well, I can’t do it by myself, and I have a plan to find out exactly who is behind this whole thing.
Lisa: Maybe it’s just a sign that you need to get a job.
Beanpie: Listen guys, I know none of you believed I was getting robbed, but Tailgate and I set a trap a couple of days ago, and someone broke into the basement and stole my idea. I laid the trap, and I have found out who it was. Now, all I need is your help, and we can catch this guy. Tailgate: Now we all know I am normally against retarded ideas, especially when they come out of my brother’s mouth, but I was there, and saw what happened. At the very least I want to see the idiot that actually did this.
Lisa: I can help a bit, but remember I do have a job to go to.
Shaun: Well, I did like the car polish, so you can count me in.
Jamie: I guess I’ll help too, I have nothing else to do.
Beanpie: Great. I just need you all to be here on Friday night. That’s when I’ll have the details for you.
Tailgate: Why do we have to wait until Friday?
Beanpie: Because, that’s when the bloody plan will happen.
Shaun: You don’t have a plan do you?
Beanpie: Not fully, but it’ll be ready on Friday.
Shaun (Laughing): Whatever man, I’ll be here.
Lisa: Let the fun begin

Beanpie - Volume 6 Episode 1: Putting it all together

Beanpie - Volume 6 Episode 1: Putting it all together

*Opening Scene: Beanpie is on his front porch holding the piece of cloth when Jamie (Tailgates homeboy) comes by.

Jamie: Is Tailgate home?
Beanpie: He’s inside playing in the toilet again
Jamie: What’s that?
Beanpie: It’s a piece of cloth someone lost yesterday. It ripped off of someone last night, and I found it in my basement.
Jamie: It looks like a piece of an apron from the store around the corner.

*Beanpie looks closely at the cloth

Beanpie: You’re right it does.
Tailgate: Hey Detective Have-No-Clue, how’s the case going?
Beanpie: I think I just may know where to go next.

*Scene 2: Beanpie is on his way to the store and is thinking about how to go about finding the person that came into his basement.

Beanpie(to self): I have to find out who did this. I know it was someone from the store. Could it have been Charlene? I don’t think so, she always helps me, and wants me to blow up.

*Along comes Shaun walking his daily route

Shaun: So how is the newest gardening invention holding up?
Beanpie: It got stolen last night.
Shaun: Really? How many times is this now?
Beanpie: Too many to count govy. I think I know who is behind all of this. Once I find out, I’ll let you know.
Shaun: Alright, it sounds like you’re an undercover cop. That’s hilarious.

*Scene 3: Beanpie walks into the store, and looks around. Then he is approached by Charlene.

Charlene: So, how’d it go last night?
Beanpie: Not so well, they made off with all of my newest inventions
Charlene: Really? I thought you had a master plan.
Beanpie: Whoever it was got in and out before the solution became sticky.
Charlene: Are you going to try something else?
Beanpie: No, I have a clue. I think I know where the person is. Would you mind letting me see your vest?
Charlene: Sure, why not.

*She takes it off, and Beanpie looks at it, it is in perfect shape.

Beanpie: How many of these do you have?
Charlene: I only have one. This cheap store only gives one to each employee.
Beanpie: Alright thanks for the info. I have to get back home and check on some things
Charlene: You mean you’re not working on anything new to hustle?
Beanpie: Not until I find out who is behind this.

*Beanpie heads to the front door when another clerk from the store bumps him on the way out

Clerk: Sorry about that
Beanpie: No worries mate

*Beanpie notices that the clerk’s vest is missing a piece. He makes a mental note and then leaves.

Beanpie - Volume 5 Episode 2: A Better Mouse Trap

Beanpie - Volume 5 Episode 2: A Better Mouse Trap

*Scene 4 Beanpie is at the store getting a bunch of phony supplies when the clerk Charlene comes up to talk to him

Charlene: Hey bootleg businessman. Did you blow up yet?
Beanpie: No, some bull happened again, but I have a plan this time.
Charlene: Oh yeah, and what might that be?
Beanpie: See, I keep getting robbed. I’m gonna set up a trap. I’m telling everyone that I’m making a gardening product, and storing it in my basement. In reality I am setting up a trap in the basement with my new invention.
Charlene: So, this new product is fake?
Beanpie: Oh no, this stuff really works. It will be staying with me this time.
Charlene: What kind of trap will be in the basement?
Beanpie: I am actually going to make a very sticky solvent that will activate once the door opens. It takes about a minute to get sticky, so the thief will get in pretty far, but won’t get out.
Charlene: You have it all worked out. Tomorrow be sure to come back and let me know who it is.
Beanpie: Will do love, see ya.

* Scene 5: Beanpie and Tailgate are in the basement setting this trap up

Tailgate: Are you sure we won’t get stuck on this glue?
Beanpie: We won’t, it will activate once the door opens. The difference in humidity will make it sticky.
Tailgate: Alright, I just want to see who the genius is that actually takes time out of his day to steal your stupidity.
Beanpie: Anyone can see that I come up with the best inventions.
Tailgate: Let’s just hurry up, I’m starting to get light headed. These fumes are too much.
Beanpie: (Laughs) With a head that size you should never be light headed.
Tailgate: Shutup and hurry.

*Beanpie and Tailgate finish putting the solution on the floor

Beanpie: Okay, now we need to leave the door unlocked, so whoever it is will be able to get in.
Tailgate: So, how sticky does this stuff get?
Beanpie: This is like krazy glue on steroids.
Tailgate: This better work, I have a serious headache from putting it down.
Beanpie: Let’s get out of here.

*Beanpie and Tailgate go upstairs and head to their rooms

*Scene 6: Beanpie is in his room waiting for something to happen when he hears a bunch of rustling in his basement. He heads downstairs to see what’s going on. He sees that everything is gone, and no sign of anyone. Then Tailgate comes down

Beanpie: They got everything
Tailgate: I thought this stuff was supposed to hold whoever came.
Beanpie: It was, they must’ve gotten in and out before it had a chance to get sticky
Tailgate: Ahhhh, you idiot. How do you manage to hand someone your newest invention? You are an A Class idiot.
Beanpie: I don’t need this right now mate, I have to look around and see if anything was left behind
Tailgate: Well I’m going back to bed to try and sleep this headache off.

*Beanpie walks around the basement looking at everything that was turned upside down and searches the area where his product was staged. He then goes to the door, and notice a piece of cloth that was stuck to the handle.

Beanpie: Whoever it was left a piece of their shirt.

*Scene 7: Beanpie is at kitchen table with the piece of cloth in hand.

Beanpie(to self): I have to figure out who took this. I have this to go by. I can’t concentrate on anything new until I catch whoever it is behind this. It just doesn’t make sense, who can it be?

Beanpie - Volume 5 Episode 1: Building a better mouse trap

Beanpie - Volume 5 Episode 1: Building a better mouse trap

*Opening Scene Beanpie is in his room looking around and thinking hard

Beanpie(to self): This doesn’t make any sense. I know someone is behind this, but who? I know that it couldn’t be Lisa, and Ice Juicy could care less about my stuff. I have to find out who is behind all of the nonsense. Right now everyone is a suspect.

*Scene 2 Beanpie is in his room sulking/thinking when Tailgate comes in.

Tailgate: What’s the matter oh King of Hustlers?
Beanpie: Not right now little goat, I have to find out who is stealing all of my goods.
Tailgate: You honestly think there is one mastermind out there trying to take all that YOU have? I think not.
Beanpie: I know there is. Every single time that I create something, it gets stolen. Don’t you find that a bit odd?
Tailgate: Well, now that you mention it, it does seem a bit fishy. Why would someone want to take your idiotic ideas?
Beanpie: Exactly…..wait a minute, my ideas are not idiotic, if they were would anyone try to steal them?
Tailgate: Whatever. If someone is trying to steal your stuff, why don’t you set them up?
Beanpie: Alright, that sounds good, but how do you suggest I go about doing that?
Tailgate: Make something, and just run your mouth like you usually do, then set up a trap for whoever tries to steal it.
Beanpie: That is exactly what I need to do. I knew you spider monkeys would come in handy one day.
Tailgate: Yeah right, I just don’t understand how primates can even find the bathroom, let alone invent something. By the way, Geico called and said they need you for another commercial shoot.
Beanpie: Very funny, now move so I can get ready to set this trap.

*Tailgate leaves and Beanpie gets ready to go out and set the trap up.

*Scene 3 Beanpie is walking to the store when he runs into Shaun

Beanpie: Hey Ice Juicy, my main govy. What’s going on?
Shaun: My name is…..forget it. It’s just another day at work.
Beanpie: I have my idea for my next sham.
Shaun: Oh brother, what stupidity did you come up with this time?
Beanpie: Well mate, I this time I have come up with the ultimate gardening product.
Shaun: And what might that be?
Beanpie: Well, you know how the plant food nowadays is so expensive?
Shaun: So
Beanpie: I have come up with an inexpensive way to grow your plants.
Shaun: Is this the part where I jump for joy?
Beanpie: Whatever Ice Juicy, I’m just informing you of my new product
Shaun: Well Randolph, I am just informing you that my name is Shaun and I could care less about a gardening product. I have work to do, so I will be on my way.
Beanpie: Alright. The solution will be done tonight, and I will leave it in my basement when I’m done.
Shaun: You told me that because?
Beanpie: No reason. See ya.

*Beanpie continues walking down the street

Beanpie(to self): Hmmmm, trying to act like he doesn’t care. I think he may just be acting to avoid being a suspect. Now to let Lisa in on my newest invention

*Beanpie calls Lisa at work

Lisa: Hello
Beanpie: Hey love, how are you today?
Lisa: I’m fine, and what do you want?
Beanpie: Hahaha very funny, I don’t want a thing love. Just calling to fill you in on the newest invention.
Lisa: Can’t this wait until I get home?
Beanpie: I really wanted to tell you. I am making a new plant food that will be inexpensive and great for your garden.
Lisa: Is that it?
Beanpie: No, I will be leaving it in the basement tonight. Okay?
Lisa: Alrighty then, I have to go and do some real work now. Bye-bye Randolph
Beanpie: It’s Beanpie, and goodbye love.

*Beanpie hangs up the phone

Beanpie(to self): Alright, now Lisa knows too. All the pieces are in place.

Beanpie - Volume 4 Episode 2: Turtle and The Hair

Beanpie - Volume 4 Episode 2: Turtle and The Hair

Scene 4: Beanpie heads back to the store and again runs into Charlene

Charlene: So, did you get the hair restorer down?
Beanpie: No, I’ve got something even better than that
Charlene: Oh, so you did invent the Viagra
Beanpie: No love, I have invented a better car polish.
Charlene: Oh really.
Beanpie: Yeah, now I have to pick up some more stuff so I can sell this stuff asap
Charlene: And where exactly are you making this car polish?
Beanpie: I’m using my basement as a lab.
Charlene: Alright I see you have got Turtle wax beat now.
Beanpie: This is way better than any wax from a turtle.
Charlene: Alright I won’t stop you go ahead and do your thing.

*Beanpie collects what he needs in a hurry and runs back to his lab.

Scene 5: Beanpie is in his lab again, he is furiously working on his new car polish

Beanpie(to self): Well now, I want to start moving this as soon as possible. I should have 50 bottles by morning. This will definitely give me what I need to get into the Flea market. This plan can not fail. I have it locked up inside and Lisa is out of town for a few days. Finally Beanpie comes out on top.

*Beanpie finishes making about 50 bottles of solution and then heads to bed for the night.
Scene 6: Beanpie wakes up and gets ready to start the day. Ready to hustle his new car polish and make money

Beanpie(to self): Alright govy get ready because today is it. Now all I have to do is look professional, and I will sell this like there is no tomorrow.

*Beanpie hums a tune while walking into the basement, only to see it has been broken into, and all of his bottles and his formula have been stolen

Beanpie(yells): What the bloody hell is going on here?

*Tailgate comes running downstairs

Tailgate: What are you yelling about?
Beanpie: Somebody has stolen all of my polish
Tailgate: WHAT?!
Beanpie: Hey mate did Lisa come here last night?
Tailgate: I don’t think so, isn’t she out of town?
Beanpie: That’s right, I have no clue who could have done this. Man, I finally get something that can really put me on the map, and it gets stolen from me.
Tailgate: Call the cops
Beanpie: No way, those blokes are no help. I have to find out who did this to me and get my stuff back.

*Beanpie runs back upstairs and calls Shaun. They have a brief conversation and then Beanpie hangs up.

Beanpie(to self): First the soap, then the tea, the dog food, and now this. How could someone possibly get robbed for his goods before they all hit the street? I thought it was Lisa, but she knew absolutely nothing about this one. Something is going on, and I am going to find out what or who it is.

Beanpie - Volume 4 Episode 1: Turtle and The Hair

Beanpie - Volume 4 Episode 1: Turtle and The Hair

Opening scene: Beanpie is sitting on his bed thinking of a new plan.

Beanpie(to self): Man, this has got to be the weirdest series of events that has ever happened to anyone. I just can’t believe this keeps happening to me. I am not going to give up now. But I have no idea of what to do. Think man think.

*Beanpie begins to scratch his head and feels his hair

Beanpie(to self): That’s it! I can create a hair tonic that will grow hair on bald men. I know I can do it. I just have to put those good grades in chemistry to use.

Scene 2:Beanpie is in his room writing a recipe and he writes down numerous formulas. After he comes up with the ideal formula he heads to the store to collect the ingredients

Charlene: Hey Beanpie, how’s the dog food salesman doing?
Beanpie: Well love, it didn’t do anything. I got robbed……again
Charlene: Somebody robbed you for dog food, man what is this world coming to?
Beanpie: I don’t know love, but this time I am going to make hair restoring tonic. I am a genius when it comes to chemistry. I don’t know why I haven’t thought of this before. Now I will make a killing off of this.
Charlene: Wow, you are really going to make a hair restoring tonic? How will you know if it works?
Beanpie: I have a test dummy.
Charlene: How long will it take you to finish?
Beanpie: I should be done by the end of the week.
Charlene: Let me know when you finish, I want to see this thing in action. Can I ask you a question? Why do you do this?
Beanpie: I really want to buy a spot in the flea market, but I don’t want to waste money. That’s why I hustle on my own to make sure there is a demand for my products.
Charlene: Well, why don’t you start selling Viagra?
Beanpie: I don’t think it will be safe to sell my own blood to people.
Charlene: Quite the potent one aren’t you? Just keep me posted.
Beanpie: No problem, I’ll just be picking these things up and on my way.

*Beanpie picks up what he needs, and heads back home to work

Scene 3: Beanpie is in his basement putting the chemicals together, and as he is fixing the tonic, he begins to think.

Beanpie(to self): Alright, now that I have the solution all prepared, I need a guinea pig for my experiment and I know just who to use. (yells) Oh Tailgate can you come here for a second?

*Tailgate runs downstairs to see what Beanpie wants

Tailgate: What do you want man? Did you use the glue instead of the lotion again? I am not helping you with this one, that is a personal problem.
Beanpie: Whatever weenies boy, come here I want to show you something

*Tailgate walks around the table looking at everything

Tailgate: Wow, what are you doing down here? It looks like a mad scientists laboratory, only you’re not smart enough to boil water so what are you up to?
Beanpie: Well, I have created a hair restoring tonic
Tailgate: Does it work?
Beanpie: I don’t know yet, I have to test it and see.
Tailgate: What idiot did you get to try this stupid thing on?

*Beanpie looks at Tailgate and smiles and Tailgate starts backing away

Tailgate: Oh no, you better try that on one of your bald headed girlfriends or something, because you are NOT trying that on me.
Beanpie: C’mon mate, let me just pour a little on you, all the girls will think you finally reached puberty.
Tailgate: Nah ah, you are not using me….HELP!!!!!

*Tailgate runs up the stairs and out of the door and Beanpie chases him, while running around Shaun’s car, and after a few laps some of the solution spills on the hood

Tailgate: Ooohhh, Shaun is gonna whoop your ass
Beanpie: Shutup govy, me and Ice Juicy are tight, all I have to do is explain it to him.

*Shaun appears behind Beanpie

Shaun:Explain what?
Beanpie: Hey man, what’s up Ice Juicy
Tailgate: He spilled his ghetto rogaine on your car
Beanpie: Hey there homie, my brotha, it was just an accident
Shaun:I just waxed my car, where did you spill it?
Tailgate: Right here

*Shaun and Tailgate look at the spot while Beanpie tries to sneak away. Then Shaun and Tailgate looked surprised

Shaun: Ayo Beanpie, what exactly is this that you spilled on my car?
Beanpie: Ah, my new hair restorer
Shaun:Well I don’t know about a hair restorer, but can you come and look at this?

*Beanpie walks slowly to the car and is shocked to see what happened

Shaun:I have never in my life seen a car shine like this
Beanpie: Holy bloody chrome, I can see my future on the hood.
Shaun: Hey how much of that stuff do you have?
Beanpie: This is the only batch, but I have the formula in the basement
Shaun:This is the first thing I’ve seen you make that I would actually buy.
Beanpie: Do you mean that Ice…..I mean Shaun?
Shaun:Yeah, I would buy this in a heartbeat. Do you think you can make some for me?
Beanpie: Yeah, I just have to go back to the store and get more supplies

Beanpie - Volume 3 Episode 2: Dog Eat Dog World

Beanpie - Volume 3 Episode 2: Dog Eat Dog World

Scene 4: Beanpie is back home putting together his recipe for dog food when Lisa walks into the house

Lisa: Hey Ran….I mean Beanpie
Beanpie: Hey love, how was work today?
Lisa: The same ol crap, some guys argued over a lady at work today. They both want to go out with her and both are scared to ask, but they seem to have worked up a way to argue about her.
Beanpie: She must be one sexy piece of……I mean she must be a nice looking woman
Lisa: Ha! If they knew like I knew, they’d leave her alone
Beanpie: And what is it that you know?
Lisa: I know that this particular woman pees standing up.
Beanpie: Are you saying these guys had a fight over a guy?
Lisa: I feel sorry for the winner.
Beanpie: I’m glad it’s not me. Anyway, I am making that dog food I was telling you about earlier.
Lisa: I really do not believe you are making dog food. I mean normal people cook and sell plates out of their house. Maybe even icees, but who sells dog food?
Beanpie: Exactly. No one has had an idea like this. And I am using organic ingredients. This will make us rich baby.
Lisa: And if it doesn’t will you then get a job?
Beanpie: Ha, like my idea can fail.
Lisa: Speaking of fail, did anything ever come of that little Tea-Bust the other day?
Beanpie: Nothing, I called the Police and they say they know nothing about it. It’s weird I tell you.
Lisa: Well I’m gonna take a shower, are we still on for the movies tonight?
Beanpie: Yup, I’m almost done here anyway. Let me put this in the shed for the night.

Scene 5: Beanpie is outside putting his dog food in the shed, when all of the sudden he is hit in the neck. He wakes up spread out on the lawn, and Lisa is standing over him.

Lisa: Babe, why are you out here asleep?
Beanpie: I have no clue. I was putting the dog food away, and then I woke up here.
Lisa: What is that on your neck?

*He rubs the back of his neck

Beanpie: Ow, I have no idea what happened
Lisa: It looks like you got hit.
Beanpie: What the….why would I get hit?
Lisa: I don’t know. Who have you pissed off lately?
Beanpie: No one that I know of.
Lisa: Well, I’m going back in, come with me so we can clean you up.
Beanpie: OK

*Beanpie walks over to where the dog food was and sees that it’s gone.

Beanpie(to self): This can not be happening. How is my dog food gone?! Who in the world would want to take dog food? Who was the only one around? Lisa?! No! She was the only one around. She knew where I was going to put my dog food. I have to keep a close eye on her.

Beanpie - Volume 3 Episode 1: Dog Eat Dog World

Beanpie - Volume 3 Episode 1: Dog Eat Dog World

Opening scene: Beanpie is walking down the street.

Beanpie(to self): Alright govy, you can’t remain beaten. You are the number one street business man out here. There is no way a few setbacks can hold you down.

*He stops at a local kennel and gets an idea.

Beanpie(to self): That’s it! I’ll make dog food, and make a killing. This has no chance of failing. There is no way anyone can interfere with a man making dog food.

Scene 2: Beanpie is on the internet looking for ways to make dog food when his brother walks by

Tailgate: Oh Randolph…
Beanpie: What do you want you little toad?
Tailgate: I need the computer for my school report on seals, but since you’re here I can interview you instead.
Beanpie; Ha to the ha….you seem to be the funniest muppet I know.
Tailgate: Seriously, can you get off of the computer so I can use it?
Beanpie: One second zoo boy, lemme look one more thing up then it’s all yours.

*Tailgate leaves, Beanpie looks through different sites and finds numerous recipes for dog food. He mixes and matches and creates his own version of dog food. After he finishes, he taps his head thinking of a name for his product.

Beanpie: What to name it, what to name it. Let’s see….Good Dog? Nah too corny. Better than your master’s food…..Nope can’t use that. Ahh I got it

*Tailgate comes back to see if Beanpie is finished

Tailgate: Are you done looking at your porn yet?
Beanpie: I was not looking at porn, I am a ladies man, I make movies, I don’t watch.
Tailgate: Ha, tell that to our lotion shortage, the stains in the carpet, and the sticky keys on the keyboard.
Beanpie(stutters): Th-th-that was l-l-like that before….
Tailgate: Before what?
Beanpie: Shutup, I’m done don’t you want to use this computer?
Tailgate: Not before I wipe it down with bleach.

*Beanpie jots down a name and makes his way to the store for the ingredients.
Scene 3: Beanpie is at the store looking around for different items to create his dog food

Clerk 1: Hey there. It’s the (in an English accent) Bootlegger extraordinaire
Beanpie: And what might I do for you today my lady?
Clerk 1: Nothin, I’ve just been seeing you around a lot. Wondering if you needed some help looking for something.
Beanpie: No thanks love, I think I can handle this one on my own.
Clerk 1: By the way, my name is Charlene.

*She reaches out to shake Beanpie’s hand

Beanpie: Hello, they call me Beanpie, and I am not a bootlegger. I am an unofficial business man.
Charlene: Well then, Mr. Business man. How did the tea selling bit go?
Beanpie: Not so well. I never got to sell it. Some bloody copper thought I was trying to sell weed and took it from me. Charlene: That sucks. What are you up to now?
Beanpie: I’m on to a new venture. I’m gonna sell dog food.
Charlene: How do you plan on doing that?
Beanpie: Well, I have found the perfect recipe with really inexpensive ingredients. All I have to do is pick them up, and bam. I can make a killing from organic dog food.
Charlene: Well, since men are dogs, what more can I expect?
Beanpie: Well then that would make the female dogs bi..
Charlene: Watch your mouth!
Beanpie: Whatev love, I just gotta get the rest of this stuff, so I’ll see you round uh? Charlene: Alright Mr. Beanpie.

Beanpie: Volume 2 Episode 2 - Tea Time

Beanpie: Volume 2 Episode 2 - Tea Time

Scene 4: Beanpie is at the store looking for plastic bags

Clerk 1: Hey, look it’s the soap man. How did the soap sell?
Beanpie: I don’t want to talk about it.
Clerk 1: I told you $4 a bottle was too much.
Beanpie: That was a deal for what I had to offer.
Clerk 1: I have no clue of what you’re smoking, but $4 for soap is a rip-off.
Beanpie: You’ve got to be taking a piss, that is a good price for a great product. Anyway love, do you have any plastic bags?
Clerk 1: Yeah, in aisle 5. What are you selling this time?
Beanpie: I am selling tea, I made it from fresh tea leaves.
Clerk 1: Is it flavored?
Beanpie: Nah, it’s just green tea imported from China.
Clerk 1: Who is gonna buy bootleg tea?
Beanpie: When I blow up off of this idea, and become as famous as Lipton, don’t ask me for any of this tea.
Clerk 1: Trust me I won’t ask you for it!
Beanpie: Well, I’ve got my bags, thank you very much………(mumbles) whore

*Beanpie leaves the store and heads back home to bag his tea up.
Scene 5: Beanpie is outside putting the tea into bags when he sees a car pull up

Officer: Hey boy, what are you doing?
Beanpie: I’m just putting these tea leaves into bags sir
Officer: Those don’t look like tea leaves to me
Beanpie: These are tea leaves officer.
Officer: I’m gonna have to take those to the station
Beanpie: These are tea leaves
Officer: Are you getting loud with me? That looks like some Mary Ja Wanna to me. I said that is going with me.
Beanpie: You can smell them for yourself, it’s just tea. I would not be selling weed and bagging it up outside of my house. I am a business man, and this my tea. I am selling tea, not weed.
Officer, I see that you know the street term, and you look like a drug dealerto me. What’s your name?
Beanpie: Randolph Ethelwood sir
Officer: Well that sounds like a drug dealers name also, now give those illegal leaves.
Beanpie: I told you this is just…….

*Officer sprays Beanpie with mace.

Beanpie(Screams in a high pitch voice): Ahhhh….what’re you doing? I didn’t do anything
Officer: This is coming with me.

Scene 6: Beanpie is in the bathroom scrubbing his face when he looks in the mirror

Beanpie(to self): Why does this keep happening to me? I try to get my shams moving, but something outrageous happens every time. I can’t explain this one to Lisa or Ice Juicy. They’ll never believe me. Oh well, I just have to come up with another plan. This time I will not fail!

Beanpie: Volume 2 Episode 1 Tea Time

Beanpie: Volume 2 Episode 1 Tea Time

Beanpie(to self): Today govy, I’m gonna make the ultimate tea party.....Beanpie will go down in history as the tea king. I’ve come too far and worked too hard to fail. Nothing can stop me this time.

*Beanpie in his room writing a recipe for tea while watching a local tv food show.

Beanpie (humming): Uh hm....uh hm....uh hm
Lisa: Babe, what are you doing this time?
Beanpie: I’m making a recipe for tea, this is an untapped gold mine here.
Lisa: It is not untapped, people make tea all over the world.
Beanpie: Trust me on this one.
Beanpie: I can do this Lis, I have the recipe, I am the manpower, and with Ice Juicy’s help I’ll take over the industry.
Lisa: He is so not gonna help you on this one.
Beanpie: He’s my main govy, he’s always down for his BP.
Lisa: Yeah right, just like the last time he helped you out.
Beanpie: Just a minor setback, this time he’s sure to help me out.
Lisa: Don’t say I didn’t warn ya.

*Beanpie in the kitchen staring at fresh tea leaves he just received in the mail.

Beanpie(to self): Alright, what to do, what to do. I thought these would be dried and processed already.

*Enter Tailgate

Tailgate: What is this? Are you becoming a sissy gardener?
Beanpie: Shut up stupid monkey, you have no idea of what I’m doing.
Tailgate: Well why don’t you tell me grass fairy.

*Beanpie slaps Tailgate on top of the head.

Beanpie: This govy is my ticket to wealth, Behold the tea leaves.
Tailgate: Oh, you’re not the garden fairy, you’re a tea fairy. That’s so gay.
Beanpie: Whatever you ape faced arachnid, when I get rich, I’ll put you on display at the local freak show.

*Tailgate gives Beanpie a low blow and runs away

Tailgate: See ya queen of the tea leaves.
Beanpie(shouts): Wait’ll I get you, you’re gonna regret that shot.

*Beanpie stares once again at the leaves scratching head trying to figure out a way to dry the leaves out

*Beanpie looks around the kitchen, stops at the microwave

Beanpie(to self): That should dry the leaves right out mate.

*Beanpie is outside on his back porch thinking of a way to package his tea. He then sees Ice Juicy

Beanpie: Yo, Ice Juicy, what’s the deal govy?
Shaun: My name is Shaun.
Beanpie I’ve got a question for you mate.
Shaun (sighs): Shoot.
Beanpie: Well, I have a new sham.
Shaun: Wow, that’s a surprise.
Beanpie: Wait, let me finish. I have an idea on how to reach an untapped market. I am going to sell tea.
Shaun: You’re selling tea?
Beanpie: Yes, and it’s all natural. I just finished drying the leaves and now I need to package it.
Shaun: Are you serious?
Beanpie: Yes I am
Shaun (laughing): Yo, this is NOT England. We don’t have tea and biscuits here. You were better off with that soap idea. Whatever happened with that?
Beanpie: These two hooligans took all of my soap.
Shaun: You got jumped by some kids and they took your soap?
Beanpie: Well, one kicked me in the shin, and the other poked me in the eyes. Then they grabbed my soap and ran.
Shaun: So you expect me to believe two kids, beat you, no poked you and then robbed you, for soap nonetheless. Yeah right. Just admit that your idea to sell soap was not a good one.
Beanpie: I’m telling you mate, that is the truth. I was robbed.
Shaun: Whatever, what did you want to ask me?
Beanpie: Oh yeah, well I was looking for suggestions on how I should package my tea.
Shaun: Man I am the wrong one to ask. I just deliver the mail and keep it movin. Just get some plastic bags and bag it up. That’s what I suggest.
Beanpie: That sounds like a plan. Thanks govy, you have truly earned the name Ice Juicy.
Shaun: My name is Shaun.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Beanpie – Volume 1 Episode 3: Squeaky Clean

Mar 29, 2009

(12:26 PM)
Beanpie: Volume 1 Episode 3

*Beanpie is in the bathroom filling the bottles, when his girlfriend Lisa enters

Lisa: Tailgate told me that you were going to be selling dish washing liquid.
Beanpie: Isn’t that the best sham I’ve had?
Lisa: How about no.
Beanpie: You are supposed to be my main lady, support me.
Lisa: You know I support you. I pay your bills, buy your food, and every now and then I let you touch me.
Beanpie: Ha to the ha. Not like that. You’re supposed to support my decisions.
Lisa: Well let me see, support you in your decision not to get a job, but instead hustle the most idiotic household items at an outrageous price. Can’t say that I see a future in that.
Beanpie: This one is a winner love. I can’t fail. At $4 a bottle, I’ll be a millionaire in no time.
Lisa: $4 a bottle?!
Beanpie: Yes
Lisa: What? Is it all natural?
Beanpie: No
Lisa: Is it scented?
Beanpie: No
Lisa: Does it soften your hands?
Beanpie: Ah, no
Lisa: And you’re selling this for $4
Beanpie: Yes I am
Lisa: You really put the “smart” in not smart.
Beanpie: What? You mean you don’t think this will work?
Lisa: If it does, I’ll perform in a donkey show.
Beanpie: Well you’d better start doing your twat exercises, cuz this one will not fail.
Lisa: I don’t think so Randolph.
Beanpie: It’s Beanpie, and it will work.
Lisa: Whatever Mr. Beanpie. I’m off to work. (mumbles) Where you should be.
Beanpie: What was that dear?
Lisa: Oh nothing, see you later.
Beanpie: Bye love, and don’t forget to stretch, donkeys are well endowed.

*Beanpie is walking down the street with his loaded cart of soap when he is approached by some young boys.

Boy 1: Hey, what do you have there?
Beanpie: This? Well this here is world class homemade dishwashing liquid
Boy 2: How much is it?
Beanpie: $4
Boys 1 & 2: What?!?!?
Boy 1: What? Is it all natural?
Beanpie: No
Boy 2: Is it scented?
Beanpie: No
Boy 1: Does it soften your hands?
Beanpie: Ah, no
Boy 2: And you’re selling this for $4
Beanpie: Yes I am
Boy 1: I bet you won’t sell any of that raggedy soap at all
Boy 2: You’re an idiot with a stupid accent
Beanpie: Shut up! Don’t you two have some traffic you need to play in?
Boy 1: Well, I just finished with your mom, and she said you have to go home and clean your room
Beanpie: If you weren’t so small I would knock you out!

*Boy 2 kicks Beanpie in the shin

Beanpie: Ow, now why’d you go and do a thing like that?
Boy 1: Pokes BP in the eyes, while Boy 2 grabs the cart and the two kids run off with the soap
Beanpie: I’ll get you two little spider monkeys!! You better not ever come back around this way!!!!

*Beanpie walks back home with his head down mumbling

*Beanpie is back in his bed thinking of another sham so that he can make money

Beanpie (to self): I can’t dwell on that little setback. Those little delinquents will get theirs. I just can’t believe that happened to me. Oh well, they have not seen the last of me. I must come up with another way to make this business thing work.