Sunday, April 5, 2009

Beanpie – Volume 1 Episode 3: Squeaky Clean

Mar 29, 2009

(12:26 PM)
Beanpie: Volume 1 Episode 3

*Beanpie is in the bathroom filling the bottles, when his girlfriend Lisa enters

Lisa: Tailgate told me that you were going to be selling dish washing liquid.
Beanpie: Isn’t that the best sham I’ve had?
Lisa: How about no.
Beanpie: You are supposed to be my main lady, support me.
Lisa: You know I support you. I pay your bills, buy your food, and every now and then I let you touch me.
Beanpie: Ha to the ha. Not like that. You’re supposed to support my decisions.
Lisa: Well let me see, support you in your decision not to get a job, but instead hustle the most idiotic household items at an outrageous price. Can’t say that I see a future in that.
Beanpie: This one is a winner love. I can’t fail. At $4 a bottle, I’ll be a millionaire in no time.
Lisa: $4 a bottle?!
Beanpie: Yes
Lisa: What? Is it all natural?
Beanpie: No
Lisa: Is it scented?
Beanpie: No
Lisa: Does it soften your hands?
Beanpie: Ah, no
Lisa: And you’re selling this for $4
Beanpie: Yes I am
Lisa: You really put the “smart” in not smart.
Beanpie: What? You mean you don’t think this will work?
Lisa: If it does, I’ll perform in a donkey show.
Beanpie: Well you’d better start doing your twat exercises, cuz this one will not fail.
Lisa: I don’t think so Randolph.
Beanpie: It’s Beanpie, and it will work.
Lisa: Whatever Mr. Beanpie. I’m off to work. (mumbles) Where you should be.
Beanpie: What was that dear?
Lisa: Oh nothing, see you later.
Beanpie: Bye love, and don’t forget to stretch, donkeys are well endowed.

*Beanpie is walking down the street with his loaded cart of soap when he is approached by some young boys.

Boy 1: Hey, what do you have there?
Beanpie: This? Well this here is world class homemade dishwashing liquid
Boy 2: How much is it?
Beanpie: $4
Boys 1 & 2: What?!?!?
Boy 1: What? Is it all natural?
Beanpie: No
Boy 2: Is it scented?
Beanpie: No
Boy 1: Does it soften your hands?
Beanpie: Ah, no
Boy 2: And you’re selling this for $4
Beanpie: Yes I am
Boy 1: I bet you won’t sell any of that raggedy soap at all
Boy 2: You’re an idiot with a stupid accent
Beanpie: Shut up! Don’t you two have some traffic you need to play in?
Boy 1: Well, I just finished with your mom, and she said you have to go home and clean your room
Beanpie: If you weren’t so small I would knock you out!

*Boy 2 kicks Beanpie in the shin

Beanpie: Ow, now why’d you go and do a thing like that?
Boy 1: Pokes BP in the eyes, while Boy 2 grabs the cart and the two kids run off with the soap
Beanpie: I’ll get you two little spider monkeys!! You better not ever come back around this way!!!!

*Beanpie walks back home with his head down mumbling

*Beanpie is back in his bed thinking of another sham so that he can make money

Beanpie (to self): I can’t dwell on that little setback. Those little delinquents will get theirs. I just can’t believe that happened to me. Oh well, they have not seen the last of me. I must come up with another way to make this business thing work.

Friday, April 3, 2009

Beanpie – Volume 1 Episode 2: Squeaky Clean

Mar 28, 2009

(11:22 AM)
Beanpie – Volume 1 Episode 2: Squeaky Clean

*Beanpie is at the local Dollar store trying to find some clear bottles. He walks over to a clerk to ask for some help

Beanpie: Excuse me, can you tell me where I might find some empty bottles?
Clerk: What kind of bottles?
Beanpie: Plastic bottles
Clerk: What kind of plastic bottles?
Beanpie: Tall clear plastic bottles
Clerk: What are you using these bottles for sir?
Beanpie: I am going to be selling soap in them.

*Clerk breaks out in outrageous laughter

Clerk: You are gonna sell soap?
Beanpie: Yes, and pretty soon you’ll see my soap everywhere. And if you act right young lady, I may take you to the top with me
Clerk: Yeah right, we’ll be on the top of idiots most wanted.
Beanpie: Whatever, can you tell me where they are?
Clerk: In aisle 5.
Beanpie: Thanks……(mumbles) slut

*Beanpie looks at a bunch of bottles and then grabs about 20 normal sized bottles, and heads to the register

Clerk 2: What are you gonna do with all of these bottles?
Beanpie: Ah yes, I am going to be selling my own dishwashing liquid.
Clerk 2: That sounds good, how much you gonna charge a bottle?
Beanpie: About $4
Clerk 2: What? Is it all natural?
Beanpie: No
Clerk 2: Is it scented?
Beanpie: No
Clerk 2: Does it soften your hands?
Beanpie: Ah, no
Clerk 2: And you’re selling this for $4
Beanpie: Yes I am
Clerk 2: What is so special about this soap?
Beanpie: Well, I made it by hand
Clerk 2: And….
Beanpie: And what?
Clerk 2: (Laughing) Keep the receipt so you can get your money back.
Beanpie: What’s so funny?
Clerk 2: You are selling homemade soap, with no added features for $4 a bottle, that’s what’s funny.

*Beanpie grabs the bottles and storms off.

*Beanpie is walking back to his house with a duffle bag full of empty bottles when he sees Ice Juicy

Beanpie: Hey Ice Juicy, my man, what’s the deal govy?
Shaun: My name is Shaun
Beanpie: I know, but Ice Juicy has so much more flavor mate
Shaun: It sounds like a pedophile disguised as an Ice Cream salesman
Beanpie: Whatever govy. I got a spankin new sham, want in on it?
Shaun: You have the most idiotic schemes, and NO, I don’t want in on this nonsense.
Beanpie: You haven’t even heard what it is.
Shaun: Lemme guess. You have a bag full of empty bottles…..hmmm…you’re hustling stupid by the ounce.
Beanpie: Haha, very funny mate. Now, what you see before you is a state of the art, new millennium, dish washing liquid dispenser.
Shaun: All I see are bottles
Beanpie: I made a homemade soap govy.
Shaun: And how much are you selling this bull…..I mean soap for?
Beanpie: $4 a bottle
Shaun: What? Is it all natural?
Beanpie: No
Shaun: Is it scented?
Beanpie: No
Shaun: Does it soften your hands?
Beanpie: Ah, no
Shaun: And you’re selling this for $4
Beanpie: Yes I am
Shaun (shaking his head) : I don’t think this is gonna work out at all
Beanpie: What do you mean? This is the perfect sham
Shaun: The only thing that is gonna be cleaned is your wallet.
Beanpie: I’ll let you think on that one. I’ll get back to you later, I’ve gotta go bottle this stuff up.
Shaun (Walking away): Whatever, take it easy
Beanpie: Peace Ice Juicy
Shaun (Yells): My name is Shaun