Beanpie - Volume 5 Episode 1: Building a better mouse trap

Beanpie - Volume 5 Episode 1: Building a better mouse trap

*Opening Scene Beanpie is in his room looking around and thinking hard

Beanpie(to self): This doesn’t make any sense. I know someone is behind this, but who? I know that it couldn’t be Lisa, and Ice Juicy could care less about my stuff. I have to find out who is behind all of the nonsense. Right now everyone is a suspect.

*Scene 2 Beanpie is in his room sulking/thinking when Tailgate comes in.

Tailgate: What’s the matter oh King of Hustlers?

Beanpie: Not right now little goat, I have to find out who is stealing all of my goods.

Tailgate: You honestly think there is one mastermind out there trying to take all that YOU have? I think not.

Beanpie: I know there is. Every single time that I create something, it gets stolen. Don’t you find that a bit odd?

Tailgate: Well, now that you mention it, it does seem a bit fishy. Why would someone want to take your idiotic ideas?

Beanpie: Exactly…..wait a minute, my ideas are not idiotic, if they were would anyone try to steal them?

Tailgate: Whatever. If someone is trying to steal your stuff, why don’t you set them up?

Beanpie: Alright, that sounds good, but how do you suggest I go about doing that?

Tailgate: Make something, and just run your mouth like you usually do, then set up a trap for whoever tries to steal it.

Beanpie: That is exactly what I need to do. I knew you spider monkeys would come in handy one day.

Tailgate: Yeah right, I just don’t understand how primates can even find the bathroom, let alone invent something. By the way, Geico called and said they need you for another commercial shoot.

Beanpie: Very funny, now move so I can get ready to set this trap.

*Tailgate leaves and Beanpie gets ready to go out and set the trap up.

*Scene 3 Beanpie is walking to the store when he runs into Shaun

Beanpie: Hey Ice Juicy, my main govy. What’s going on?

Shaun: My name is…..forget it. It’s just another day at work.

Beanpie: I have my idea for my next sham.

Shaun: Oh brother, what stupidity did you come up with this time?

Beanpie: Well mate, I this time I have come up with the ultimate gardening product.

Shaun: And what might that be?

Beanpie: Well, you know how the plant food nowadays is so expensive?

Shaun: So

Beanpie: I have come up with an inexpensive way to grow your plants.

Shaun: Is this the part where I jump for joy?

Beanpie: Whatever Ice Juicy, I’m just informing you of my new product

Shaun: Well Randolph, I am just informing you that my name is Shaun and I could care less about a gardening product. I have work to do, so I will be on my way.

Beanpie: Alright. The solution will be done tonight, and I will leave it in my basement when I’m done.

Shaun: You told me that because?

Beanpie: No reason. See ya.

*Beanpie continues walking down the street

Beanpie(to self): Hmmmm, trying to act like he doesn’t care. I think he may just be acting to avoid being a suspect. Now to let Lisa in on my newest invention

*Beanpie calls Lisa at work

Lisa: Hello

Beanpie: Hey love, how are you today?

Lisa: I’m fine, and what do you want?

Beanpie: Hahaha very funny, I don’t want a thing love. Just calling to fill you in on the newest invention.

Lisa: Can’t this wait until I get home?

Beanpie: I really wanted to tell you. I am making a new plant food that will be inexpensive and great for your garden.

Lisa: Is that it?

Beanpie: No, I will be leaving it in the basement tonight. Okay?

Lisa: Alrighty then, I have to go and do some real work now. Bye-bye Randolph

Beanpie: It’s Beanpie, and goodbye love.

*Beanpie hangs up the phone

Beanpie(to self): Alright, now Lisa knows too. All the pieces are in place.

Beanpie - Volume 4 Episode 2: Turtle and The Hair

Beanpie - Volume 4 Episode 2: Turtle and The Hair

Scene 4: Beanpie heads back to the store and again runs into Charlene

Charlene: So, did you get the hair restorer down?

Beanpie: No, I’ve got something even better than that

Charlene: Oh, so you did invent the Viagra

Beanpie: No love, I have invented a better car polish.

Charlene: Oh really.

Beanpie: Yeah, now I have to pick up some more stuff so I can sell this stuff asap

Charlene: And where exactly are you making this car polish?

Beanpie: I’m using my basement as a lab.

Charlene: Alright I see you have got Turtle wax beat now.

Beanpie: This is way better than any wax from a turtle.

Charlene: Alright I won’t stop you go ahead and do your thing.

*Beanpie collects what he needs in a hurry and runs back to his lab.

Scene 5: Beanpie is in his lab again, he is furiously working on his new car polish

Beanpie(to self): Well now, I want to start moving this as soon as possible. I should have 50 bottles by morning. This will definitely give me what I need to get into the Flea market. This plan can not fail. I have it locked up inside and Lisa is out of town for a few days. Finally Beanpie comes out on top.

*Beanpie finishes making about 50 bottles of solution and then heads to bed for the night.

Scene 6: Beanpie wakes up and gets ready to start the day. Ready to hustle his new car polish and make money

Beanpie(to self): Alright govy get ready because today is it. Now all I have to do is look professional, and I will sell this like there is no tomorrow.

*Beanpie hums a tune while walking into the basement, only to see it has been broken into, and all of his bottles and his formula have been stolen

Beanpie(yells): What the bloody hell is going on here?

*Tailgate comes running downstairs

Tailgate: What are you yelling about?

Beanpie: Somebody has stolen all of my polish

Tailgate: WHAT?!

Beanpie: Hey mate did Lisa come here last night?

Tailgate: I don’t think so, isn’t she out of town?

Beanpie: That’s right, I have no clue who could have done this. Man, I finally get something that can really put me on the map, and it gets stolen from me.

Tailgate: Call the cops

Beanpie: No way, those blokes are no help. I have to find out who did this to me and get my stuff back.

*Beanpie runs back upstairs and calls Shaun. They have a brief conversation and then Beanpie hangs up.

Beanpie(to self): First the soap, then the tea, the dog food, and now this. How could someone possibly get robbed for his goods before they all hit the street? I thought it was Lisa, but she knew absolutely nothing about this one. Something is going on, and I am going to find out what or who it is.

Beanpie - Volume 4 Episode 1: Turtle and The Hair

Beanpie - Volume 4 Episode 1: Turtle and The Hair

Opening scene: Beanpie is sitting on his bed thinking of a new plan.

Beanpie(to self): Man, this has got to be the weirdest series of events that has ever happened to anyone. I just can’t believe this keeps happening to me. I am not going to give up now. But I have no idea of what to do. Think man think.

*Beanpie begins to scratch his head and feels his hair

Beanpie(to self): That’s it! I can create a hair tonic that will grow hair on bald men. I know I can do it. I just have to put those good grades in chemistry to use.

Scene 2:Beanpie is in his room writing a recipe and he writes down numerous formulas. After he comes up with the ideal formula he heads to the store to collect the ingredients

Charlene: Hey Beanpie, how’s the dog food salesman doing?

Beanpie: Well love, it didn’t do anything. I got robbed……again

Charlene: Somebody robbed you for dog food, man what is this world coming to?

Beanpie: I don’t know love, but this time I am going to make hair restoring tonic. I am a genius when it comes to chemistry. I don’t know why I haven’t thought of this before. Now I will make a killing off of this.

Charlene: Wow, you are really going to make a hair restoring tonic? How will you know if it works?

Beanpie: I have a test dummy.

Charlene: How long will it take you to finish?

Beanpie: I should be done by the end of the week.

Charlene: Let me know when you finish, I want to see this thing in action. Can I ask you a question? Why do you do this?

Beanpie: I really want to buy a spot in the flea market, but I don’t want to waste money. That’s why I hustle on my own to make sure there is a demand for my products.

Charlene: Well, why don’t you start selling Viagra?

Beanpie: I don’t think it will be safe to sell my own blood to people.

Charlene: Quite the potent one aren’t you? Just keep me posted.

Beanpie: No problem, I’ll just be picking these things up and on my way.

*Beanpie picks up what he needs, and heads back home to work

Scene 3: Beanpie is in his basement putting the chemicals together, and as he is fixing the tonic, he begins to think.

Beanpie(to self): Alright, now that I have the solution all prepared, I need a guinea pig for my experiment and I know just who to use. (yells) Oh Tailgate can you come here for a second?

*Tailgate runs downstairs to see what Beanpie wants

Tailgate: What do you want man? Did you use the glue instead of the lotion again? I am not helping you with this one, that is a personal problem.

Beanpie: Whatever weenies boy, come here I want to show you something

*Tailgate walks around the table looking at everything

Tailgate: Wow, what are you doing down here? It looks like a mad scientists laboratory, only you’re not smart enough to boil water so what are you up to?

Beanpie: Well, I have created a hair restoring tonic

Tailgate: Does it work?

Beanpie: I don’t know yet, I have to test it and see.

Tailgate: What idiot did you get to try this stupid thing on?

*Beanpie looks at Tailgate and smiles and Tailgate starts backing away

Tailgate: Oh no, you better try that on one of your bald headed girlfriends or something, because you are NOT trying that on me.

Beanpie: C’mon mate, let me just pour a little on you, all the girls will think you finally reached puberty.

Tailgate: Nah ah, you are not using me….HELP!!!!!

*Tailgate runs up the stairs and out of the door and Beanpie chases him, while running around Shaun’s car, and after a few laps some of the solution spills on the hood

Tailgate: Ooohhh, Shaun is gonna whoop your ass

Beanpie: Shutup govy, me and Ice Juicy are tight, all I have to do is explain it to him.

*Shaun appears behind Beanpie

Shaun:Explain what?

Beanpie: Hey man, what’s up Ice Juicy

Tailgate: He spilled his ghetto rogaine on your car

Shaun:WHAT?!

Beanpie: Hey there homie, my brotha, it was just an accident

Shaun:I just waxed my car, where did you spill it?

Tailgate: Right here

*Shaun and Tailgate look at the spot while Beanpie tries to sneak away. Then Shaun and Tailgate looked surprised

Shaun: Ayo Beanpie, what exactly is this that you spilled on my car?

Beanpie: Ah, my new hair restorer

Shaun:Well I don’t know about a hair restorer, but can you come and look at this?

*Beanpie walks slowly to the car and is shocked to see what happened

Shaun:I have never in my life seen a car shine like this

Beanpie: Holy bloody chrome, I can see my future on the hood.

Shaun: Hey how much of that stuff do you have?

Beanpie: This is the only batch, but I have the formula in the basement

Shaun:This is the first thing I’ve seen you make that I would actually buy.

Beanpie: Do you mean that Ice…..I mean Shaun?

Shaun:Yeah, I would buy this in a heartbeat. Do you think you can make some for me?

Beanpie: Yeah, I just have to go back to the store and get more supplies

Beanpie - Volume 3 Episode 2: Dog Eat Dog World

Beanpie - Volume 3 Episode 2: Dog Eat Dog World

Scene 4: Beanpie is back home putting together his recipe for dog food when Lisa walks into the house

Lisa: Hey Ran….I mean Beanpie

Beanpie: Hey love, how was work today?

Lisa: The same ol crap, some guys argued over a lady at work today. They both want to go out with her and both are scared to ask, but they seem to have worked up a way to argue about her.

Beanpie: She must be one sexy piece of……I mean she must be a nice looking woman

Lisa: Ha! If they knew like I knew, they’d leave her alone

Beanpie: And what is it that you know?

Lisa: I know that this particular woman pees standing up.

Beanpie: Are you saying these guys had a fight over a guy?

Lisa: I feel sorry for the winner.

Beanpie: I’m glad it’s not me. Anyway, I am making that dog food I was telling you about earlier.

Lisa: I really do not believe you are making dog food. I mean normal people cook and sell plates out of their house. Maybe even icees, but who sells dog food?

Beanpie: Exactly. No one has had an idea like this. And I am using organic ingredients. This will make us rich baby.

Lisa: And if it doesn’t will you then get a job?

Beanpie: Ha, like my idea can fail.

Lisa: Speaking of fail, did anything ever come of that little Tea-Bust the other day?

Beanpie: Nothing, I called the Police and they say they know nothing about it. It’s weird I tell you.

Lisa: Well I’m gonna take a shower, are we still on for the movies tonight?

Beanpie: Yup, I’m almost done here anyway. Let me put this in the shed for the night.

Scene 5: Beanpie is outside putting his dog food in the shed, when all of the sudden he is hit in the neck. He wakes up spread out on the lawn, and Lisa is standing over him.

Lisa: Babe, why are you out here asleep?

Beanpie: I have no clue. I was putting the dog food away, and then I woke up here.

Lisa: What is that on your neck?

*He rubs the back of his neck

Beanpie: Ow, I have no idea what happened

Lisa: It looks like you got hit.

Beanpie: What the….why would I get hit?

Lisa: I don’t know. Who have you pissed off lately?

Beanpie: No one that I know of.

Lisa: Well, I’m going back in, come with me so we can clean you up.

Beanpie: OK

*Beanpie walks over to where the dog food was and sees that it’s gone.

Beanpie(to self): This can not be happening. How is my dog food gone?! Who in the world would want to take dog food? Who was the only one around? Lisa?! No! She was the only one around. She knew where I was going to put my dog food. I have to keep a close eye on her.

Beanpie - Volume 3 Episode 1: Dog Eat Dog World

Beanpie - Volume 3 Episode 1: Dog Eat Dog World

Opening scene: Beanpie is walking down the street.

Beanpie(to self): Alright govy, you can’t remain beaten. You are the number one street business man out here. There is no way a few setbacks can hold you down.

*He stops at a local kennel and gets an idea.

Beanpie(to self): That’s it! I’ll make dog food, and make a killing. This has no chance of failing. There is no way anyone can interfere with a man making dog food.

Scene 2: Beanpie is on the internet looking for ways to make dog food when his brother walks by

Tailgate: Oh Randolph…

Beanpie: What do you want you little toad?

Tailgate: I need the computer for my school report on seals, but since you’re here I can interview you instead.

Beanpie; Ha to the ha….you seem to be the funniest muppet I know.

Tailgate: Seriously, can you get off of the computer so I can use it?

Beanpie: One second zoo boy, lemme look one more thing up then it’s all yours.

*Tailgate leaves, Beanpie looks through different sites and finds numerous recipes for dog food. He mixes and matches and creates his own version of dog food. After he finishes, he taps his head thinking of a name for his product.

Beanpie: What to name it, what to name it. Let’s see….Good Dog? Nah too corny. Better than your master’s food…..Nope can’t use that. Ahh I got it

*Tailgate comes back to see if Beanpie is finished

Tailgate: Are you done looking at your porn yet?

Beanpie: I was not looking at porn, I am a ladies man, I make movies, I don’t watch.

Tailgate: Ha, tell that to our lotion shortage, the stains in the carpet, and the sticky keys on the keyboard.

Beanpie(stutters): Th-th-that was l-l-like that before….

Tailgate: Before what?

Beanpie: Shutup, I’m done don’t you want to use this computer?

Tailgate: Not before I wipe it down with bleach.

*Beanpie jots down a name and makes his way to the store for the ingredients.

Scene 3: Beanpie is at the store looking around for different items to create his dog food

Clerk 1: Hey there. It’s the (in an English accent) Bootlegger extraordinaire

Beanpie: And what might I do for you today my lady?

Clerk 1: Nothin, I’ve just been seeing you around a lot. Wondering if you needed some help looking for something.

Beanpie: No thanks love, I think I can handle this one on my own.

Clerk 1: By the way, my name is Charlene.

*She reaches out to shake Beanpie’s hand

Beanpie: Hello, they call me Beanpie, and I am not a bootlegger. I am an unofficial business man.

Charlene: Well then, Mr. Business man. How did the tea selling bit go?

Beanpie: Not so well. I never got to sell it. Some bloody copper thought I was trying to sell weed and took it from me. Charlene: That sucks. What are you up to now?

Beanpie: I’m on to a new venture. I’m gonna sell dog food.

Charlene: How do you plan on doing that?

Beanpie: Well, I have found the perfect recipe with really inexpensive ingredients. All I have to do is pick them up, and bam. I can make a killing from organic dog food.

Charlene: Well, since men are dogs, what more can I expect?

Beanpie: Well then that would make the female dogs bi..

Charlene: Watch your mouth!

Beanpie: Whatev love, I just gotta get the rest of this stuff, so I’ll see you round uh? Charlene: Alright Mr. Beanpie.

Beanpie: Volume 2 Episode 2 - Tea Time

Beanpie: Volume 2 Episode 2 - Tea Time

Scene 4: Beanpie is at the store looking for plastic bags

Clerk 1: Hey, look it’s the soap man. How did the soap sell?

Beanpie: I don’t want to talk about it.

Clerk 1: I told you $4 a bottle was too much.

Beanpie: That was a deal for what I had to offer.

Clerk 1: I have no clue of what you’re smoking, but $4 for soap is a rip-off.

Beanpie: You’ve got to be taking a piss, that is a good price for a great product. Anyway love, do you have any plastic bags?

Clerk 1: Yeah, in aisle 5. What are you selling this time?

Beanpie: I am selling tea, I made it from fresh tea leaves.

Clerk 1: Is it flavored?

Beanpie: Nah, it’s just green tea imported from China.

Clerk 1: Who is gonna buy bootleg tea?

Beanpie: When I blow up off of this idea, and become as famous as Lipton, don’t ask me for any of this tea.

Clerk 1: Trust me I won’t ask you for it!

Beanpie: Well, I’ve got my bags, thank you very much………(mumbles) whore

*Beanpie leaves the store and heads back home to bag his tea up.

Scene 5: Beanpie is outside putting the tea into bags when he sees a car pull up

Officer: Hey boy, what are you doing?

Beanpie: I’m just putting these tea leaves into bags sir

Officer: Those don’t look like tea leaves to me

Beanpie: These are tea leaves officer.

Officer: I’m gonna have to take those to the station

Beanpie: These are tea leaves

Officer: Are you getting loud with me? That looks like some Mary Ja Wanna to me. I said that is going with me.

Beanpie: You can smell them for yourself, it’s just tea. I would not be selling weed and bagging it up outside of my house. I am a business man, and this my tea. I am selling tea, not weed.

Officer, I see that you know the street term, and you look like a drug dealerto me. What’s your name?

Beanpie: Randolph Ethelwood sir

Officer: Well that sounds like a drug dealers name also, now give those illegal leaves.

Beanpie: I told you this is just…….

*Officer sprays Beanpie with mace.

Beanpie(Screams in a high pitch voice): Ahhhh….what’re you doing? I didn’t do anything

Officer: This is coming with me.

Scene 6: Beanpie is in the bathroom scrubbing his face when he looks in the mirror

Beanpie(to self): Why does this keep happening to me? I try to get my shams moving, but something outrageous happens every time. I can’t explain this one to Lisa or Ice Juicy. They’ll never believe me. Oh well, I just have to come up with another plan. This time I will not fail!

Beanpie: Volume 2 Episode 1 Tea Time

Beanpie: Volume 2 Episode 1 Tea Time

Beanpie(to self): Today govy, I’m gonna make the ultimate tea party.....Beanpie will go down in history as the tea king. I’ve come too far and worked too hard to fail. Nothing can stop me this time.

*Beanpie in his room writing a recipe for tea while watching a local tv food show.

Beanpie (humming): Uh hm....uh hm....uh hm

Lisa: Babe, what are you doing this time?

Beanpie: I’m making a recipe for tea, this is an untapped gold mine here.

Lisa: It is not untapped, people make tea all over the world.

Beanpie: Trust me on this one.

Beanpie: I can do this Lis, I have the recipe, I am the manpower, and with Ice Juicy’s help I’ll take over the industry.

Lisa: He is so not gonna help you on this one.

Beanpie: He’s my main govy, he’s always down for his BP.

Lisa: Yeah right, just like the last time he helped you out.

Beanpie: Just a minor setback, this time he’s sure to help me out.

Lisa: Don’t say I didn’t warn ya.

*Beanpie in the kitchen staring at fresh tea leaves he just received in the mail.

Beanpie(to self): Alright, what to do, what to do. I thought these would be dried and processed already.

*Enter Tailgate

Tailgate: What is this? Are you becoming a sissy gardener?

Beanpie: Shut up stupid monkey, you have no idea of what I’m doing.

Tailgate: Well why don’t you tell me grass fairy.

*Beanpie slaps Tailgate on top of the head.

Beanpie: This govy is my ticket to wealth, Behold the tea leaves.

Tailgate: Oh, you’re not the garden fairy, you’re a tea fairy. That’s so gay.

Beanpie: Whatever you ape faced arachnid, when I get rich, I’ll put you on display at the local freak show.

*Tailgate gives Beanpie a low blow and runs away

Tailgate: See ya queen of the tea leaves.

Beanpie(shouts): Wait’ll I get you, you’re gonna regret that shot.

*Beanpie stares once again at the leaves scratching head trying to figure out a way to dry the leaves out

*Beanpie looks around the kitchen, stops at the microwave

Beanpie(to self): That should dry the leaves right out mate.

*Beanpie is outside on his back porch thinking of a way to package his tea. He then sees Ice Juicy

Beanpie: Yo, Ice Juicy, what’s the deal govy?

Shaun: My name is Shaun.

Beanpie I’ve got a question for you mate.

Shaun (sighs): Shoot.

Beanpie: Well, I have a new sham.

Shaun: Wow, that’s a surprise.

Beanpie: Wait, let me finish. I have an idea on how to reach an untapped market. I am going to sell tea.

Shaun: You’re selling tea?

Beanpie: Yes, and it’s all natural. I just finished drying the leaves and now I need to package it.

Shaun: Are you serious?

Beanpie: Yes I am

Shaun (laughing): Yo, this is NOT England. We don’t have tea and biscuits here. You were better off with that soap idea. Whatever happened with that?

Beanpie: These two hooligans took all of my soap.

Shaun: You got jumped by some kids and they took your soap?

Beanpie: Well, one kicked me in the shin, and the other poked me in the eyes. Then they grabbed my soap and ran.

Shaun: So you expect me to believe two kids, beat you, no poked you and then robbed you, for soap nonetheless. Yeah right. Just admit that your idea to sell soap was not a good one.

Beanpie: I’m telling you mate, that is the truth. I was robbed.

Shaun: Whatever, what did you want to ask me?

Beanpie: Oh yeah, well I was looking for suggestions on how I should package my tea.

Shaun: Man I am the wrong one to ask. I just deliver the mail and keep it movin. Just get some plastic bags and bag it up. That’s what I suggest.

Beanpie: That sounds like a plan. Thanks govy, you have truly earned the name Ice Juicy.

Shaun: My name is Shaun.