Beanpie – Volume 1 Episode 3: Squeaky Clean

Mar 29, 2009 (12:26 PM)

Beanpie: Volume 1 Episode 3 *Beanpie is in the bathroom filling the bottles, when his girlfriend Lisa enters Lisa: Tailgate told me that you were going to be selling dish washing liquid. Beanpie: Isn’t that the best sham I’ve had? Lisa: How about no. Beanpie: You are supposed to be my main lady, support me. Lisa: You know I support you. I pay your bills, buy your food, and every now and then I let you touch me. Beanpie: Ha to the ha. Not like that. You’re supposed to support my decisions. Lisa: Well let me see, support you in your decision not to get a job, but instead hustle the most idiotic household items at an outrageous price. Can’t say that I see a future in that. Beanpie: This one is a winner love. I can’t fail. At $4 a bottle, I’ll be a millionaire in no time. Lisa: $4 a bottle?! Beanpie: Yes Lisa: What? Is it all natural? Beanpie: No Lisa: Is it scented? Beanpie: No Lisa: Does it soften your hands? Beanpie: Ah, no Lisa: And you’re selling this for $4 Beanpie: Yes I am Lisa: You really put the “smart” in not smart. Beanpie: What? You mean you don’t think this will work? Lisa: If it does, I’ll perform in a donkey show. Beanpie: Well you’d better start doing your twat exercises, cuz this one will not fail. Lisa: I don’t think so Randolph. Beanpie: It’s Beanpie, and it will work. Lisa: Whatever Mr. Beanpie. I’m off to work. (mumbles) Where you should be. Beanpie: What was that dear? Lisa: Oh nothing, see you later. Beanpie: Bye love, and don’t forget to stretch, donkeys are well endowed. *Beanpie is walking down the street with his loaded cart of soap when he is approached by some young boys. Boy 1: Hey, what do you have there? Beanpie: This? Well this here is world class homemade dishwashing liquid Boy 2: How much is it? Beanpie: $4 Boys 1 & 2: What?!?!? Boy 1: What? Is it all natural? Beanpie: No Boy 2: Is it scented? Beanpie: No Boy 1: Does it soften your hands? Beanpie: Ah, no Boy 2: And you’re selling this for $4 Beanpie: Yes I am Boy 1: I bet you won’t sell any of that raggedy soap at all Boy 2: You’re an idiot with a stupid accent Beanpie: Shut up! Don’t you two have some traffic you need to play in? Boy 1: Well, I just finished with your mom, and she said you have to go home and clean your room Beanpie: If you weren’t so small I would knock you out! *Boy 2 kicks Beanpie in the shin Beanpie: Ow, now why’d you go and do a thing like that? Boy 1: Pokes BP in the eyes, while Boy 2 grabs the cart and the two kids run off with the soap Beanpie: I’ll get you two little spider monkeys!! You better not ever come back around this way!!!! *Beanpie walks back home with his head down mumbling *Beanpie is back in his bed thinking of another sham so that he can make money Beanpie (to self): I can’t dwell on that little setback. Those little delinquents will get theirs. I just can’t believe that happened to me. Oh well, they have not seen the last of me. I must come up with another way to make this business thing work.

Beanpie – Volume 1 Episode 2: Squeaky Clean

Mar 28, 2009 (11:22 AM)

Beanpie – Volume 1 Episode 2: Squeaky Clean *Beanpie is at the local Dollar store trying to find some clear bottles. He walks over to a clerk to ask for some help Beanpie: Excuse me, can you tell me where I might find some empty bottles? Clerk: What kind of bottles? Beanpie: Plastic bottles Clerk: What kind of plastic bottles? Beanpie: Tall clear plastic bottles Clerk: What are you using these bottles for sir? Beanpie: I am going to be selling soap in them. *Clerk breaks out in outrageous laughter Clerk: You are gonna sell soap? Beanpie: Yes, and pretty soon you’ll see my soap everywhere. And if you act right young lady, I may take you to the top with me Clerk: Yeah right, we’ll be on the top of idiots most wanted. Beanpie: Whatever, can you tell me where they are? Clerk: In aisle 5. Beanpie: Thanks……(mumbles) slut *Beanpie looks at a bunch of bottles and then grabs about 20 normal sized bottles, and heads to the register Clerk 2: What are you gonna do with all of these bottles? Beanpie: Ah yes, I am going to be selling my own dishwashing liquid. Clerk 2: That sounds good, how much you gonna charge a bottle? Beanpie: About $4 Clerk 2: What? Is it all natural? Beanpie: No Clerk 2: Is it scented? Beanpie: No Clerk 2: Does it soften your hands? Beanpie: Ah, no Clerk 2: And you’re selling this for $4 Beanpie: Yes I am Clerk 2: What is so special about this soap? Beanpie: Well, I made it by hand Clerk 2: And…. Beanpie: And what? Clerk 2: (Laughing) Keep the receipt so you can get your money back. Beanpie: What’s so funny? Clerk 2: You are selling homemade soap, with no added features for $4 a bottle, that’s what’s funny. *Beanpie grabs the bottles and storms off. *Beanpie is walking back to his house with a duffle bag full of empty bottles when he sees Ice Juicy Beanpie: Hey Ice Juicy, my man, what’s the deal govy? Shaun: My name is Shaun Beanpie: I know, but Ice Juicy has so much more flavor mate Shaun: It sounds like a pedophile disguised as an Ice Cream salesman Beanpie: Whatever govy. I got a spankin new sham, want in on it? Shaun: You have the most idiotic schemes, and NO, I don’t want in on this nonsense. Beanpie: You haven’t even heard what it is. Shaun: Lemme guess. You have a bag full of empty bottles…..hmmm…you’re hustling stupid by the ounce. Beanpie: Haha, very funny mate. Now, what you see before you is a state of the art, new millennium, dish washing liquid dispenser. Shaun: All I see are bottles Beanpie: I made a homemade soap govy. Shaun: And how much are you selling this bull…..I mean soap for? Beanpie: $4 a bottle Shaun: What? Is it all natural? Beanpie: No Shaun: Is it scented? Beanpie: No Shaun: Does it soften your hands? Beanpie: Ah, no Shaun: And you’re selling this for $4 Beanpie: Yes I am Shaun (shaking his head) : I don’t think this is gonna work out at all Beanpie: What do you mean? This is the perfect sham Shaun: The only thing that is gonna be cleaned is your wallet. Beanpie: I’ll let you think on that one. I’ll get back to you later, I’ve gotta go bottle this stuff up. Shaun (Walking away): Whatever, take it easy Beanpie: Peace Ice Juicy Shaun (Yells): My name is Shaun